Do you really dare to feel?
I used to believe that when I’m angry or tense, I should “calm down” and breathe the tension away. Cause hey I don’t like the feeling so I must change it!
Sometimes that works.
Or I distract myself.
Isn’t that why God created social media?
This was then when I didn’t yet understand that we can’t really run away from our feelings and that our personal power and energy is fuelled allowing the experience.
Nowadays I advocate feeling your feelings- even the unpleasant ones fully to let them move through your body. Live the experience.
I work with men and women who have benefitted tremendously from allowing themselves to FEEL fully rather than trying to change what they were feeling.
And that takes courage.
I get desperately angry, frustrated and sad. The tension is in my stomach, I feel a twinge close to my heart, my throat is tight and I know energetically if anyone comes too close, this tension would unload itself. I am dangerous thunderstorm material.
I’m meant to feel THAT? I just want to run away!
I notice how sensitive I am to my children’s tension and anger. I cannot bear it!! Guess why?
What we don’t fully accept in ourselves is hard to accept in others. So the work is as usual with yourself. ( In this case- myself!)
And diving in means taking the plunge. Literally
Feel the troubled waters. There is no bridge. The bridge broke. Feel the waters.
I am writing this to bring more permission to FEEL so-called negative emotions. Because we need to feel them. And that’s how we actually move on.
I learned about the idea that feelings are just thoughts that moved into the body. So if you let go of the thoughts because they are just thoughts the feelings move, too.
That’s all well and good. Do what works for you. In my world, that just heightened the level of shame at my emotional intensity (I must be holding on to my thoughts, I can’t do this letting go, aah what’s wrong with me- ah that’s another thought just a thought)
The resistance of feeling leads us to such strange compensatory behaviours with a high tendency to destroy more.
Addictions come in as our ability and willingness to connect with ourselves deeply goes down.
We need to feel to be healthy.
So let it rip.
Move it out. A movement practice that moves the emotion and expresses it through your body is highly recommended.
I dance. Heavy metal for anger or fighting songs are my personal preference. You don’t need music to move your body but boy does that feel good.
Write out your fears. Ask for them to be removed. Be witnessed. Seek community. Do not hide in shame.
Your mental wellness depends on it.
So do you dare to feel and share yourself?
Do you need a safe place, a community where you can be witnessed and held when you’re going through the real motions without feeling like a basket case? Do you have a mastermind of powerful luminaries around you who hold the torch for you in those times?