Alibis for deep inner exploration

When I studied musical theatre in Berlin, I realized quickly that it was the perfect cover up for what I was really doing. Because what I was really doing was vulnerable to me. I  wasn’t going for the perfect jazz hands or becoming a skilled performer who could be cast in Les Mis or Jesus Christ Superstar when it rolls back into town. My under cover raison d’etre was to study life and develop my mind, soul and body. Performing arts was the perfect opportunity for me to explore how it all works, what makes us tick, why do we listen to and emulate one person or way of thinking and what makes us successful, what makes us happy, or healthy.  By reading 100s of theatre scripts, where life intensifies for the stage, I tried to get the shortcut to wisdom and the answer to my big questions. At night, I read Einstein’s more esoteric work. I read Dahlke and Philospohy books, I read Shirley McLaine. I had out of body experiences and encounters with entities that were not of this earthly realm. And quite frankly,  that was freaky for sure. I felt very vulnerable and  alone with it. I became even more “different” than I had already felt throughout my life. And when I told anyone what I was really up to, people looked at me like I had lost the plot. That made me feel even more lonely. Nobody wants to be a freak.

The magic of the press release

Hence I developed a way to communicate what I’m up to in a socially acceptable, safe kind of way. And I call it the press release. When you launch a product, book or service, it’s common practice to send out an official statement about it. The PR people can then shout that over the mountains.

So I had a press release for the dreaded “What are you doing these days?” question that well meaning friends and family members love to ask no matter how insecure one might feel about one’s life…

“I’m studying Musical theatre”. Or “ I’m living in NY these days studying with the best acting, singing and dancing teachers I can source”.
The reaction was generally “wow!” It sounds cool, we can all agree that’s something. I am doing “something right.” And I can get on with my business without having to spend days working through my reactions to judgements, clearing myself of the sticky negative energies. They don’t need to know that I have no clue what I am really doing, that I spent hours each day in meditation, self-guided voice journeys, shamanic work, confusion and oscillating heavily between melancholy and high hopes with energy levels raising from barely making it out of bed to unstoppable changing every few hours. Happy days.

I found the press release version a great way for sensitive individuals who are in the midst of a deeper process to communicate safely. To avoid the judgement that would crush them in those stages of the development.

Just like when you write a book, nobody expects you to share it before it’s ready. When you learn a song, you don’t perform it when you’re learning it- if you do, it just won’t do you or the song justice. You want to really work it into your voice, body and spirit so you can bring it fully.

Why would you give your whole process to the world when you’re not ready to share it? Give yourself the space to work it through first. I honour you for even going into a process especially when you’re past your early twenties. This is brave. The older we get, the more we feel the weight of expectations and the press release will protect you. And why would you choose not to?

I’ll tell you why. Because living authentically and sharing deeply separates the wheat from the chaff. It’s the bravest thing you can do and it will give you deep, rich and intimate connections to people you actually want in your life. It sets you free. And it liberates others.

The real light shines when we dare to expose the darkness.

When you meet me, don’t give me your press release. That every day chitter chatter you can have with everyone, save it for everyone.

I want to meet YOU. That soul that’s so drenched in human experience it’s dripping from it. I love to see the vulnerability, the places that are not polished, not worked through, not owned. It’s so heart-warming and refreshing to me to meet souls brave enough to let me in.
Perfect vulnerability is perfect protection.
If you find what I share too much, too personal, you can’t handle the truth- fine. There is nothing wrong with you. You don’t have to. But you’re not for me.

I’ll hand you a press release and you can read it in the corner. This is rather useful at family gatherings if the family part is too tender to fully show yourself- come on we’re all works in progress, so let’s give ourselves a break. From time to time.

The press release is an awesome tool. But we don’t live through the newspaper. Meet me and let me show you the off the record me. Let’s go offline. See the real deal. Let that be recorded and shared. Because this world doesn’t need more perfect Facebook threads.

I am not on the planet to feel jealous about the perfect lives I don’t have that they don’t have either. We are here to shine and grow and set each other free. I will destroy the illusions I see that cast a clouded shadow on that brilliant experience we all deserve. I will tear it down when I see it, I will smash the veil that holds you back from seeing the real radiance that is you and your life.

I am tearing up the press release. The judgment I want to avoid is really the judgement I hold on myself. And I am done.

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